Hearing the familiar crackle of my knees as I crouched down to scrub my shower, I recalled the days when I used to be able to clean my whole house from top to bottom in a day. Though weary, I would stand at the end of the day relishing the dust-free shine and scent of cleanliness permeating the air.
Since then, I’ve struggled for years with the frustration of wanting my whole house perfectly clean all at once. Recently, I had an epiphany: I am no longer 25, and I have very real limitations on my time and physical abilities. With this revelation came the wisdom that I need to acknowledge these limitations and be compassionate with myself. The way forward is simply to break it down and do a little each day; my house may never again be perfectly clean all at one time, but I am making progress on it all the time!
The same struggle with perfectionism is so common in the spiritual life that Fr. Joe Tetlow, SJ, has coined it “perfection-itis” (“Dynamics of Ignatian Spirituality Workshop,” online, March 18, 2023). With the best of intentions, we decide that we are going to clean house spiritually. We aspire to rapid and complete progress, and when we do not make this progress as fully or rapidly as we had hoped, we give up the effort altogether.
The situation is not a new one. According to St. Ignatius, when we resolve to go “from good to better,” we should expect the Enemy to throw curveballs to deter our efforts:
In the persons who are going on intensely cleansing their sins and rising from good to better in the service of God our Lord…it is the way of the evil spirit to bite, sadden and put obstacles, disquieting with false reasons, that one may not go on; and it is proper to the good [Holy Spirit] to give courage and strength, consolations, tears, inspirations and quiet, easing, and putting away all obstacles, that one may go on in well doing. (Spiritual Exercises 315)
How can we fight “perfection-itis” and the temptation to give up our good efforts to progress in the spiritual life when we don’t achieve our goals as perfectly as we desire?
- Break down the goal into smaller parts or increments of time.
- If I want to pray for an hour a day but can never find that hour, I might start with 10 minutes a day and build up to 60 minutes over time.
- If I want to attend Mass each day or each week and then I miss Mass, I will work with determination to get to Mass the next day or week.
- If I want to pray the Rosary before sleeping but find myself falling asleep after a couple of Hail Marys, I might pray one decade to start or switch up the time and pray in the car or while walking.
- If I am determined to go to Adoration but fall asleep from exhaustion when I go at night, perhaps I might go for 30 minutes in the daytime.
- If I want to pray for the intentions of many people but then forget to pray for all of them in a set prayer time, I might instead pray throughout the day as each person comes to mind.
- Celebrate the wins with a trusted spiritual friend or spiritual director. This encouragement is vital.
- Resist the desire to throw in the towel when you don’t meet your goals. God knows that you’re not perfect! To God, we are always perfectly lovable amidst our imperfect human nature. It’s not a game of all or nothing.
- Ask for help. Perhaps pray something like the following:
Dear God, I wanted to ________ [Fill in your intended action here, e.g. see you at Mass, talk with you in prayer, pray the Rosary, go to Adoration.], but I haven’t because I ________ [was too tired, was too busy, just didn’t feel like it, had my doubts about you, etc.]. I really need your help. Please send your Holy Spirit to strengthen me. Help me to see myself with the compassion with which you see me, and inspire me to accept this compassion. Remind me that you’re always waiting for me, and you never expect me to be perfect. Help me fight the temptation of perfectionism. Infuse me with your love, and give me the strength and fortitude to follow you more nearly all the days of my life. Amen.
Photo by Crystal de Passillé-Chabot on Unsplash.