Have you ever felt as though, because of unsettling news or a traumatic incident, the ground you were on all of a sudden opened up and swallowed you into a chasm of desolation? The day I received my cancer diagnosis was such a day for me. Like many who have experienced this situation, I felt just about every emotion within me all at once: relief to finally have an answer, shock at the answer I was given, confusion, concern, and worry.
The next several days were a blur as I waited for an appointment with an oncologist. My prayers were answered when I was told that the cancer was treatable. With thanksgiving, I began to pull myself together and await the next step of this journey with much hope and grace.
But the feeling that I was sitting in a great big crack in my world was still there. I knew I was feeling sorry for myself and tried to talk myself out of those feelings. That didn’t work. I tried to climb my way up and out by distracting myself. In a week’s time I baked two cakes, muffins, two casseroles, and finished two jigsaw puzzles. The distractions didn’t work either.
Then one day I was walking in my neighborhood and came to a spot in the sidewalk that was uneven and cracked. I was about to step over it when I noticed several tiny flowers growing out of a crack in the concrete. I stood there, fixated on that scene for a while, just taking it in. I’d seen flowers growing out of cracks in the sidewalk many times before, but this time was different. This time God was inviting me to take notice. I took pictures of these floral heroes to use in prayer.
Everything the flowers needed was there.
While praying with those pictures, I realized how much I had in common with the blooms. The flowers were not in an ideal environment for growth. They were not in a pretty pot of well-drained soil, saturated with nutrients, but that little, cracked space was actually quite conducive to growth. Everything the flowers needed was there. God was providing for them. My cancer diagnosis left me sitting in a less-than-ideal situation, but God was providing for me, too, calling me to grow out of the desolation. The flowers were fed by rain, sun, and resilient roots. God was feeding me with spiritual fertilizers of prayer and sacraments, inviting me to grow in faith and trust. Prayer provided emotional and spiritual strength to get through the unknowns. The Eucharist and Anointing healed me spiritually and gave me courage to reject the temptation to stay in the dark place in which I was sitting. While in this cracked place in my life, I was being nourished with grace and growing closer to God.
The flowers are being what God made them to be and are making the best of a not-so-good situation. God is encouraging me to do the same, to be resilient and hopeful. Yes, life landed me in what felt like a concrete crevasse, but God is encouraging me to grow from it by showing me those flowers. As the flowers are given everything they need to grow there, I too am given all I need from God’s ever-present grace and love. I don’t have to pull myself out of the crack all by myself. God is there to help me with whatever I need. I just have to offer God an open heart and let God lead me out of the desolation and into a place of growth.