Ah…ah…achoo!
“Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no!” I thought frantically. “I cannot be sick, Lord. Not now!”
To be fair, it was only one tiny little sneeze. I knew I should not be jumping to conclusions, but jump to conclusions I did.
“God, I have a big week coming up. There is no way I can explain everything to someone else while I just lie in bed. Please, Lord, I’m begging you: let this sneeze just be a one-off!”
Even as I prayed this desperate prayer, I already knew somewhere deep inside that this sneeze wasn’t just a sneeze. As a woman with a rare disease, I have come to know my health pretty well, and so I can see the writing on the wall early, especially since this particular sneeze did not just come and go. It lingered. And it hurt from the tip of my nose straight up to my eyeballs and everywhere in between. So even as I sat trying to plead with God not to let me head all the way down the road to Sickville, I already knew where this was leading.
The beginning of this fall season has been terrible with illness, particularly for those of us who are blessed to work at incredible schools that are also little germ factories. It was inevitable that I would catch something at some point at work or at home. It was also inevitable that I would feel majorly inconvenienced no matter when illness finally knocked at my nose.
It often takes a few weeks after I have recovered to recognize that the real problem is not the inconvenience of a passing virus. The real problem is every time I let myself believe that I am somehow unstoppable. Because when it turns out I am stoppable, I get angry at myself for being human.
But I am human, and this beautiful, wonderful, and intentionally made body has mechanisms for telling me when I need to slow down or even come to a stop. How can I come to see this sneeze as something worthwhile instead of a sign of pending dread?
I can pause and reflect:
- Why is my body telling me to slow down right now?
- Am I really offering my best self to others if I keep going?
- Has anyone ever faulted me for taking time to heal?
- Am I really irreplaceable if I have to stay home?
- Is what I need from God right now healing, acceptance, or both?
It is so easy to get caught up when I am well in the feeling that I am invincible, but maybe this tiny sneeze (that is probably leading somewhere) can serve as a simple reminder that I am only human.
Imperfectly, wonderfully, belovedly human.
And that is a very good thing.
“Mom,” a voice behind me startles me. “Do you have anything for an…ah…ah…achoo!”
Oh, no. I may have to start my reflection all over again.
Photo by Edward Jenner on Pexels.