[There is a] kind of knowing that afterward you can never not know. The kind that, no matter what anyone says, you know what you know, and that deep foundational knowledge is unshakeable. You can stand on it. It is a rock.
—Margaret Silf in The Other Side of Chaos
Every time I read this quote, it reminds me of what it felt like to come to understand God’s love for me. Once I awakened to God’s love for me, something shifted. My life’s foundation went from what felt like shifting sand to solid rock that has only continued to strengthen over time. Knowing that I am deeply loved by God is something I cannot un-know, even when I try to forget it.
I came to understand God’s love for me slowly, just as I came to fully grasp the love my husband had for me and I had for my husband. Both grew over time, nurtured through the gift of spending time together. Coming to know God’s love for me happened through the time we spent together and by immersing myself in God’s words. Over time, I trained my ear to God’s voice, and the words I read from the Bible were not just words on the page. They became words that God was speaking to me and about me:
- “You have searched me and known me” —Psalm 139:1
- “The LORD is my shepherd” —Psalm 23
- “I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” —John 10:10
- “You are precious in my sight, and honored, and I love you.” —Isaiah 43:4
Even as my love for my husband developed, I awakened to the fact that even our relationship was not the firmest foundation in my life. God’s love was the unshakeable foundation, and it was upon this rock that our marriage was built. It was out of God’s love for us that we could love each other. As Psalm 62 reminds me, “My soul finds rest in God; / my salvation comes from him. / Truly he is my rock and my salvation; / he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” (NIV)
Of course, I sometimes forget the depth with which I’m loved by God, and instead try to measure my worth by a project completed or a certain gift I have or even compared to a person in my life. Thankfully, the deep knowing of God’s love for me draws me back and reminds me my foundation is still there, solid as a rock, even if I forget I’m standing on it. It is often the restlessness I feel when I do temporarily forget God’s love for me that serves as a reminder of God’s gift of love, because it is then that the Holy Spirit reminds me to look down and remember that God is the rock on which I stand.