Many of us find it helpful to talk through an idea with another person when we are trying to make a decision or process the meaning of something significant that has happened. For example, when I was younger and applying to graduate schools, I decided to shift in my career plans from psychology to philosophy. I wondered whether a grad program would accept me, what job prospects were like, and whether my interest in philosophy was enduring or just a new and passing interest. I wrote to my future father-in-law, a professor of religion, to ask. He did not tell me what to do, but he offered support and guidance that assured me that it was not foolish to make the shift. He also shared about his own decision to go into theology after getting a master’s degree in history. That conversation was helpful to me, as I did not know much about academia as a 20-year-old. Talking through an idea helps us to understand not only the relevant facts but often also helps us to uncover our own desires. Through conversations we learn more about what we want, what we hope for, and what feels in sync with our deepest selves.
Prayerful discernment includes conversing with other people whom one trusts and with God. One might ask, Why tell God what is on our hearts when God already knows our hearts and desires even before we can speak them? As with my conversation with my husband’s father, often the process of speaking words aloud helps us to know better what we really want, as well as where real-world possibilities are. Today when I talk to my own students, I listen for signs of enlivenment about future job prospects. The student who can’t stop talking about accounting class or the one whose face lights up when describing service work offers important information on which I can give feedback. I can reflect back to the student what I seem to be hearing. Similarly, when we are in prayer, saying the words to Jesus or having a back-and-forth imagined conversation with Jesus allows my desires, doubts, and concerns to rise to the surface so that I know them, even if God has known them all along.
Practical concerns are real ones. At my Jesuit university, students are often advised to consider not only what their passions are but also what they are good at and how the world’s needs intersect with their desires and talents. If a student wants to be a doctor but then notes that most of his grades in the sciences are C-level, it’s probably not realistic to pursue med school with its low acceptance rates. That does not mean that the student can’t pursue a career in medicine at all, but it has to be taken into the discernment process. God’s work takes place in the real world, so it helps to talk through concerns with those in the know.
Moreover, God offers us freedom and agency as mature adults in faith. Certainly, there have been times in my own discernment when God has asked me to do something very directly, as when on retreat I heard God tell me to write a book on Ignatian spirituality and forgiveness. But much more often, God invites us to be co-collaborators in the decision-making process as to how to use our gifts and talents. Students who think that there is just one best choice that they need to make often end up struggling to decide, because they want to get it “right.” However, life is not a test, and often we choose what seems best, knowing that more than one decision can be a way of following Jesus where he leads.
It is quite possible that I could have decided to go into psychology in grad school and to have pursued work in research or counseling, as I had once planned to do. Most likely, that life would also have been a valuable one, even if very different from the path that I took. I believe that what matters to God is not that we make perfect decisions but that we take the time to discern. If God really wants something to happen, God will make it crystal clear. But prayer is not a substitute for human agency or for the much-needed advice of trusted human friends. God collaborates with us and with others in our lives as we take time to reflect, discern, and decide.