The first time I ran a meeting as a leader of adults, I made a colossal mistake. It took me years, however, to understand the mistake and its implications for building my team.
I remember being so nervous preparing for that first meeting. Though I had confidence in the ministerial abilities that had led me to this leadership position, I was also very young and underdeveloped in the skills needed to lead adults.
Over the summer months, I worked hard to learn the details of my new role. I familiarized myself with the past contributions of each team member. I talked at length with the previous director. I reflected on my own participation as a member of that team for the last four years, and in doing so, I reviewed some of the things that had been discussed ad nauseum but never decided upon in team meetings. Then, I wrote up an agenda and invited the team to the table.
The first item on the agenda was prayer followed immediately by my announcement of the decisions I had made over the summer. I excitedly proclaimed the first decision: “Good news, everyone! We will no longer be printing programs for our school Masses. Instead we will be utilizing the screen from now on.” I thought the team would be relieved to finally move on from what had been a heavily discussed and debated topic.
Instead, it felt like the air had been sucked out of the room by my words. Uncertain as to why, I kept going with the rest of my carefully crafted agenda. The meeting proceeded with few, if any, questions or interruptions, and at the end, the team just left quietly.
Initially, I assumed that the others were just uncomfortable with my new position as a decider. I figured that as they leaned into the changes and saw their value, they would get on board. In some cases, this happened, which further cemented my misunderstanding of that first meeting. It was not until I started studying some of the aspects of Ignatian leadership years later that I finally was able to look back at that first moment with new eyes and realize a few things.
First, I recognized that I did not reflect on what lenses I was bringing to my preparation. I had worked with these individuals on many different projects over the past few years, and I failed to acknowledge their experience or give them opportunities to contribute. But the Ignatian way to lead is to ask: Am I able to be honest in my preparation and do the work necessary to shift my perspective so I can see my team members as God sees them?
Next, I prepared with second-hand information instead of inviting each team member to reflect with me openly and honestly, face-to-face. I didn’t give people an opportunity to voice their excitement and trepidations about the new year with new leadership before I launched into planning. But the Ignatian way to lead is to ask: Am I listening to the wants, needs, and fears of people as I prepare?
Third, I failed to give decisions the time they needed to be made. Any previous time spent was with a different team makeup, and therefore, despite my impatience, a new timeline was needed. The Ignatian way to lead is to ask: Am I able to recognize the new dynamics of this altered team and institute a reasonable timeline for decisions to be prayed about, discussed, and completed?
Finally, and most importantly, I failed to pray for, about, and with this team. My first item on the agenda was prayer, but I failed to understand that prayer needed to be more than a checkbox to begin our meetings. The Ignatian way to lead is to ask: Have I brought my own excitement and trepidation before God and asked God to help me form the team, a team tasked with bringing spirituality to life for the school?
In the years since that first meeting, guided by some tremendous Ignatian leaders, I have learned a better way of proceeding when leading others. Taking intentional time to see others as God sees them, to engage in direct and open conversation, and, most importantly, to pray for and with them breathes life back into any team and allows the Spirit to work.
