“You know, Gretchen,” the doctor paused to double-check my birthdate on the screen, “when we get into our 40s, simply getting out of bed can be dangerous.”
Sigh.
These were the wise and comforting words of my ER doctor one late Tuesday night a few weeks ago. I reluctantly had asked my husband to drive me to the ER after suffering hours of intense neck pain that came out of nowhere. After a lot of waiting and a CT scan, I was diagnosed with a severe muscle spasm accompanied by dehydration. Well, that and, apparently, the curse of being middle-aged.
The words my doctor said were not unexpected. I had heard them before from people entering their 40s as they discovered new and unexpected aches and pains. But I was bothered by his words even more at this moment, because I had been having a good run of health lately. I was even two months into a Couch-to-5K run plan, and I was starting to explore race possibilities to celebrate my next birthday just around the corner.
So to hear the doctor say that this painful, unexpected setback was simply something I could expect from now on was disheartening at best.
Dealing with lingering pain and exhaustion, I grumbled about this to my husband the whole way home. “I guess that means I’ve been wasting my time. What’s the use of a plan when things like this just stop me mid-track? Maybe 40-somethings shouldn’t run after all!” As I grumbled, I became acutely aware that I was sliding fast into desolation and should stop making declarative statements about giving up my goals until I felt a little better.
When I finally got some rest and a clearer head, I reflected on what to do about this unexpected setback. Not knowing exactly where to begin, I returned to what St. Ignatius said about the start of our prayer, that we should ask God up front “for what [we] want and desire” (SE 48). I began by paying attention to the desires that arose in my heart and bringing them to prayer.
A couple of days after my ER visit, I wanted nothing more than to get started checking the next box on my Couch-to-5K plan. However, my body was telling me it wanted to slow down, rest, and work on healing for a bit. I was lacking patience, so I prayed, Lord, restore within me the grace of patience. Help me to listen to my body and take time to heal.
A week later I was feeling better, but now I was out of my routine. The habits of morning exercise and eating healthy to support my runs seemed daunting to restart. And I definitely did not want to get hurt again. It was so tempting to give into the ER doctor’s words about aging and be more careful. I was lacking resilience, so I prayed, Lord, restore within me the grace of resilience. Empower me to begin again, one step at a time.
Over the next week or two, I did pick up my running plan again, cautiously. I was getting back to where I had left off, but still every slight twinge in my neck, hip, or ankle gave me pause. I felt like the trust I had gained in my body over the course of the last few months had been severed and needed to be repaired. I lacked faith, so I prayed, Lord, restore within me the grace of faith. Help me trust my body, listen to its signals, and believe in its strength.
Are you suffering from an unexpected setback? What do you need to ask God to restore within you today?
Thanks Gretchen for this inspiring piece. Putting God in front and joyfully running in the lane does diminish pains and aches. Wishes for good health, strength, and stamina.
Gretchen,
Thanks for sharing. I used to run, 10k’s and even my one-and-only marathon. Initially I ran on hard surfaces (roads), then somewhat softer surfaces (trails) and now I walk with Howdy, my rescue dog (still trying to decide who ‘rescued’ who!) on trails and the occasional sidewalk. By far, the walking has been the most rewarding of the two types of exercise – for many reasons – not the least of which is how walking ‘de-stresses’ rather than ‘re-stressing’ my aging body. Walking allows me to observe and absorb God’s creative beauty around me and Howdy for his part, ‘sees’ the world through his nose. Hope you find an enjoyable path through your ‘middle’ years … and beyond.
I really needed to hear this today. After reading your story I prayed for the grace to find the balance between enough physical activity to stay strong and independent but not enough to cause or aggravate injury.
Gretchen, your 3 prayers are inspired and I’m using them. Thank you. I’m 87 and you can’t even imagine…lol. I’m healthy, walking, living in my own home and active as a Jesuit Museum docent plus family and friends. So don’t give up or give in. From where we 3 ladies are you are Young. So I begin my prayer tonight like St. Ignatius instructs and you remind…ask for what you want. Jesus says that also to Blind Bartimeus. “Bartimeus, what do you want me to do for you?” Blessings, Pat Shannon
Gretchen. This came at the perfect time. Thank you. Thank God.
Lorelei
Right as I turned 70 I started having aches and pains that seemed to come out of nowhere – some mornings I really get depressed when I realize I will probably feel bad in some way for the rest of my life, and very likely even worse at some point :)! I know about being happy that you can even get up in the morning and all the other platitudes about aging, but it still is no fun and feels undeserved b/c I was trying to do everything “right.” There aren’t 70-year-olds in the NFL, but we have to keep on doing our best in whatever shape we find ourselves so we can try to fulfill God’s plan for us and also as an example for younger people, I guess – the example is that you don’t stay young forever!
The Lord Is Speaking Loud And Clear — Sometimes Age gets the upper hand – Look at Joe Nameth – AND Smile – God Still Loves You (and so do I) !!! AMDG Gretchen
Imagine what it’s like for those of us in our 80s who are told that whatever is hurting is part of growing old!
God calls us in different ways at different times in our lives
Thank you Barbara and Gretchen! As I remember the 40’s I was strong and healthy and now in the 80’s, I feel all the pain and problems of growing old, but Gretchen’s prayers apply just as much now.