“You know, Gretchen,” the doctor paused to double-check my birthdate on the screen, “when we get into our 40s, simply getting out of bed can be dangerous.”
Sigh.
These were the wise and comforting words of my ER doctor one late Tuesday night a few weeks ago. I reluctantly had asked my husband to drive me to the ER after suffering hours of intense neck pain that came out of nowhere. After a lot of waiting and a CT scan, I was diagnosed with a severe muscle spasm accompanied by dehydration. Well, that and, apparently, the curse of being middle-aged.
The words my doctor said were not unexpected. I had heard them before from people entering their 40s as they discovered new and unexpected aches and pains. But I was bothered by his words even more at this moment, because I had been having a good run of health lately. I was even two months into a Couch-to-5K run plan, and I was starting to explore race possibilities to celebrate my next birthday just around the corner.
So to hear the doctor say that this painful, unexpected setback was simply something I could expect from now on was disheartening at best.
Dealing with lingering pain and exhaustion, I grumbled about this to my husband the whole way home. “I guess that means I’ve been wasting my time. What’s the use of a plan when things like this just stop me mid-track? Maybe 40-somethings shouldn’t run after all!” As I grumbled, I became acutely aware that I was sliding fast into desolation and should stop making declarative statements about giving up my goals until I felt a little better.
When I finally got some rest and a clearer head, I reflected on what to do about this unexpected setback. Not knowing exactly where to begin, I returned to what St. Ignatius said about the start of our prayer, that we should ask God up front “for what [we] want and desire” (SE 48). I began by paying attention to the desires that arose in my heart and bringing them to prayer.
A couple of days after my ER visit, I wanted nothing more than to get started checking the next box on my Couch-to-5K plan. However, my body was telling me it wanted to slow down, rest, and work on healing for a bit. I was lacking patience, so I prayed, Lord, restore within me the grace of patience. Help me to listen to my body and take time to heal.
A week later I was feeling better, but now I was out of my routine. The habits of morning exercise and eating healthy to support my runs seemed daunting to restart. And I definitely did not want to get hurt again. It was so tempting to give into the ER doctor’s words about aging and be more careful. I was lacking resilience, so I prayed, Lord, restore within me the grace of resilience. Empower me to begin again, one step at a time.
Over the next week or two, I did pick up my running plan again, cautiously. I was getting back to where I had left off, but still every slight twinge in my neck, hip, or ankle gave me pause. I felt like the trust I had gained in my body over the course of the last few months had been severed and needed to be repaired. I lacked faith, so I prayed, Lord, restore within me the grace of faith. Help me trust my body, listen to its signals, and believe in its strength.
Are you suffering from an unexpected setback? What do you need to ask God to restore within you today?
