Stopping to Rest

I now understand the saying, bone-tired, for it is how I feel today. Yes, there has been more at work than usual, but there’s also been driving the kids to violin and ju-jitsu lessons and the long lines at the big box store and phone calls with those suffering from loss and illness, and I just feel…depleted. I have no more left to give. I must rest.

When I talk about stopping to rest, I’m not speaking of a nap. Neither am I speaking of merely sitting myself down in a very comfy chair, although this is part of it. Clearly, I need a nap.

But I am speaking about surrendering to Jesus and asking him to take all of these things—the work, carpooling, errands, and holding space for my suffering friends—and giving them to him. I ask Jesus to renew and restore my strength, for I have none of my own.

It’s times like these that my friend, Melissa, likes to send me pictures of birds with their little chicks under their wings. Her favorite metaphor for God in the Psalms and the prophets has always been God as a bird. She likes to think of him soaring above us all, seeing and understanding the bigger picture. She loves the image of taking refuge “in the shadow of your wings.” (Psalm 57:1) Melissa texts me one of those bird pictures and says, “Seek refuge until harm passes.”

I know she is right. She’s usually right, and she’s especially right when she points me to God.

So I take a Sunday afternoon off to be with God. With the song refrains of Mass still singing in my heart, I do take a nap. I need one. I sink in under the covers and thank God for this rest. As I fall asleep, I think about other times I have turned to him when I have been at the end of my rope, when I realized I couldn’t do it on my own, and I finally gave up and surrendered my will to God’s.

I flash back to moments of loneliness or a time when I was stalled in my career. I think back to a frustrating situation with a friend group and then even all the way back to when I was discerning marriage with my husband. Every time, when I gave up control and surrendered to God’s will for me, his will was so much better than I could have imagined for myself.

Why do I do this every time then? Why do I think I can be the one in control?

My eyes flutter as I begin to fall asleep, and a verse from Philippians comes to mind: “Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (4:6–7)

I pray, “Lord, I know I need more than just rest but to surrender my will to yours.”

I don’t remember praying anything else as I fell into a deep sleep. I dreamt of being a little bird under the giant wings of God. Not only was my nap restful, but it was peaceful. I knew God would take care of me.

Image by Piyapong Saydaung from Pixabay.