There are times in our prayer lives that we feel God is absent, or we struggle to feel or hear God in prayer. Those dry periods of prayer are incredibly challenging, especially when trying to discern. It is not until the dry period of prayer ends that I understand the value of what feels like God’s silence.
In a conversation once with my spiritual director, we celebrated the end of a dry period of prayer. As we unpacked the dryness, I said, “It was quiet nothingness, but it was everything.”
Quiet nothingness was what my prayer felt like. There were many days I was thankful just to be able to get my mind quiet. When the quiet came, I heard nothing from God. Not only did I feel I could not hear God, I could not feel God in prayer. I found myself agitated and angry at God. More than ever, I needed to hear God’s voice. More than ever, I needed to feel the strong pull of the Holy Spirit towards a direction. There was nothing.
But quiet nothingness is everything. Only now, looking back, can I see that my desire for God remained. With the help of an incredible spiritual director, I held steady in my prayer. While I did not feel or hear God in prayer, I could look at my life and readily see God’s active hand working through others and in nature. I knew God was there with me as I ministered to and with others. I was surrounded by fruits of my prayer, signs of God’s living presence.
Quiet nothingness brought me to a place of trust, a place where I experienced God inviting me and trusting me to discern and make choices without the constant gift of consolation. Only now, standing on the other end, do I see that God was not all that quiet; God was inviting me to experience our relationship in a different way. And that understanding means everything to me.
Becky Eldredge
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Yes, at times my prayer can feel like “quiet nothingness” but when I recall how God has met me in the past, I know that God is here is the present and will be with me in the future. As you mentioned, the important thing is that our desire for God remains. Thank you for your wisdom in writing this post.
God is always around like the air is always around us even though we don’t think about it much.
The post and comments call to mind Jim Caviezel’s turn as Edmond Dantes. In prison he could not see or feel the presence of God. But God was with him in the form if the priest played by Richard Harris. And when Edmond escaped and was consumed with revenge. The love of his life, Mercedes reminded him that God is everywhere, even in a kiss. With that kiss she brought him back to himself and he could see God again.
Lovers often sit quietly in each other’s presence; knowing that just being together is a precious time. As you say, quiet nothingness exercises our trust. In silence, we trust that God is there, because He promised never to leave us or forsake us. We learn in the silence to just “be” with God.
I too, have these periods of dryness. I am often under the impression that everyone has a fabulous prayer life full of ah-ha moments, everyone but me.
But regardless of what happens, I won’t quit. I try, I read, I journal, I sit, I breathe and sometimes that connected feeling comes. Still not where I want to be, but I’d like to think that it is me, rather than Him.
m.
Another thought-filled post . I often judge my prayer time with a “what happened” kind of mind. It is only later that I am able to see, feel and hear how God “speaks” back to me. Always in unexpected gentle ways and well worth the wait!
” In quietness and trust is your strength”. Is 30:15
A truly beautiful reflection for all.