Note: I jotted this down in real time last Friday evening and didn’t get around to posting it. Another week has passed with a new set of stresses and demands. May I be graced with the energy to get myself to Vespers tonight. I feel like going to Mass this evening and am marveling, a bit, that I feel this way. I also feel grateful that I live in a city where I could go to a 5:30 PM Mass on a Friday night–Shabbat shalom to me!
Don’t want to over-think why I’m feeling this ripple of longing, but suspect it might have to do with not being at church-the-building this week.
Never mind that I belong to a virtual community that prays the Daily Office, that I’ve participated almost every day and led prayers three times this week. Never mind that unless I’m able to receive gluten-free Eucharist, something few Roman Catholic churches manage to provide, I’m buzzing with neuralgic pain within 40 minutes of receiving Communion. (In those moments, I still believe Jesus loves me, although I sometimes have my doubts about the Church.)
The sun is beginning to set. I’ve had a strange day, but one that wasn’t untypically so. I feel like going to Mass. And while I know darn well I won’t hoist myself off the couch, haul on appropriate clothing, get into the car and drive to the Cathedral of Mary Our Queen, I like knowing I could. I like the feeling that I want to even more.