The apple tree in our front yard stands expansively as a remnant of the apple orchard that once spanned our community. I took one bite of the sour fruit and declared them crab apples, just like the ones my dad had to clean up when they fell in the yard. My neighbor across the way, Rosie, watched the apples on our tree fall to the ground, one by one. She was raised on a farm and knew her way around the kitchen. After one season, she had seen enough. “Would you mind if I came and took some of the apples that have fallen from your tree?” she asked, offering to take only those that lay on the ground.
“Of course not,” I answered. “Take as many as you want from the tree as well.”
Thus began a great friendship. Rosie saw value in the apples that I dismissed as “deer food” or a nuisance to be raked. The apples were treasures to her. She made jams and apple butter, apple tarts and apple pies. She brought her delicacies to her church bake sales, provided refreshments to her women’s groups, and shared them with us. I had missed the divine gift she captured in the sour apples.
Recently, I thought about Rosie and the apples as I reflected on how God’s love is inclusive and expansive. He loves all of us, unconditionally and without exception, and calls us to do the same. In what ways do I miss other fruits? I wonder. How may I be blind to the best parts of the people in front of me? When I am quick to judge people, I may miss their fruits.
To be Christian is to love our neighbors without exception. We are called to turn against hate, exclusion, and rejection. And time and time again, we acknowledge our imperfections and invite God’s grace to redeem us despite our sins.
So why does judgment come so easily to us? In the last few weeks alone, I have been a bit judge-y toward self-described evangelicals who don’t go to church, aggressive panhandlers, and even people on video calls who don’t turn on their cameras. I am hardly alone, I know. Our culture teaches us to judge from our earliest days. We are taught to model “good, kind, right” behavior and to avoid “bad, unkind, wrong” acts. It is a short walk, I suppose, from calling “bad acts” to ascribing evil to the actors.
Learning to judge has its place in discerning personal decisions. It is when we apply critical, harsh, and dismissive judgments to others that we allow love to take a backseat. Our judgments are often unloving; they wound and divide us. They separate us from the love of God. Who are we to act as judge and jury? Only God can do that.
What if we reserve our strict codes of behavior to our own lives? “Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone.” (John 8:7) That gives us plenty to work on, doesn’t it?
Embodying the love of Christ calls us to suspend judgment of others and double down on love and compassion. As with the apples, it may be time to mix the sweet with the sour. Let’s listen more and look for God’s presence in each person we encounter.
Photo by stephanie monfette on Unsplash.
This is a great reflection and one I need to hear and be aware of daily. Personally, I am as hard on myself as I am on others so I am often mindful of the Pslam that proclaims that I am wonderfully made. So is everyone and everything else. It sounds ridiculously easy, but by God’s grace, I’ll keep open to God’s ongoing transformation within. Funny story, I once had an African American Pentecostal friend named Dewey with a great Gospel voice who would say, “You need to sweep your own porch off before you come over to mine” when I passed judgment on him. The way he said it would leave me laughing the entire rest of the day, BUT 35 years later, I still remember it and often use it myself. Yes, humor and the teachings of Jesus can go hand and hand. Lesson learned and continually re-learned. Thanks be to God and thank you for the apples!
Sometimes sour apples are tasty! Like Rosie, I can make good things with sour apples if I put forth some effort! And I can share and pass it forward. I love this … so much to glean from this writing …
Thank you!
Thank you Cindy. You see right, sour apples can taste good. Thanks for the reminder.
Gerri..just what I needed to remind me to notice all flavors. It’s the varied flavors that make the creation divine. While we are each different…Our Loving Father cherishes our differences and calls us to be one family…blended we are perfect.
Hi Gerri,
Thank you for the thought provoking article. Speaking for myself, my vision is often clouded by my preconceptions. I pray for the grace to see the sour apple for what it can be.
In partnership,
John
Thank you, like in a previous comment, I think that the struggle with being judgemental is a life long struggle for me, and as I know how much better my physical body would feel without excess weight, this blog has helped me see how much lighter my soul would feel without the burden of being judgemental. God bless you.
Gerri, this is so timely. I had just read a review of a book by David Brooks called ‘How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen’. It is about not placing judgment on others also. Thanks for the confirmation. Blessings!
Thanks Gerri, this certainly resonates with what I was sharing in our small group. Currently praying for the grace to accept my feelings about someone as a reaction to my imperfections and to try to view them with the compassion and love of God. Each is a gift to us, and it is my problem if I decline to open the gift.
Jeanne, of the gifts of the Exercises, this is a gem: self love and a deeper understanding of God’s unconditional love despite our imperfections. Grace is given not earned. Peace.
Wow, Gerri, this hit me squarely between the eyes today. The pastor of our church has recently started a spiritual growth group that examines the Holy Spirit in our lives and the next session will focus on the Daily Examen. So while looking it up, came upon your blog. It was/is so timely.
Wonderful how the spirit leads us to what we need. Happy Thanksgiving!
Intense and meaningful. Thanks for the multi-layered fruit dish. Good for reflection and action.
A dish for Thanksgiving tables. Thanks.
This post really spoke to me. I am quite good at snap judgements. I pray daily during my examen to be vigilant in my acceptance of others and finding compassion.
The Examen is a great self regulator for me too. Peace.
What a beautifully written blog! I thoroughly enjoyed reading and reflecting on your astute observations. I think we all need to work on being judgmental when we should be expressing compassion and understanding. Like weight loss though, I think it is probably a life long journey, at least it is for me…..LOL! I’m so happy that Steven posted this blog so I had a chance to read it.
Thank you, Linda. Happy to see you found your way to ignatianspirituality.com
Enjoyed this – much to think about – thank you!
Thank you 🍎